As a product of homeschooling myself, I always wanted to be able to give that special gift of time and one on one education to my own kids. Through life’s twists and turns, I found myself a single parent of 2 and disqualified myself from being able to provide financially while also giving good care and education to them. However, when the public school system no longer fit our needs and their idea of solutions fell short, I made the decision and took the leap. With absolute determination, I found a way and made a way to home educate my kids, even as a single parent. I found a way to balance work and homeschool. Was it perfect? No way! Did I lay in bed some nights, wondering if I’d made the right choice? Absolutely!! Was it worth it? Totally.
I have just one regret. One thing I would change if I had a time machine…
I wish I would’ve made the decision and started homeschooling my kids sooner.
Now that might sound cliche, but allow me to explain. My eldest son struggled in public school in general. He couldn’t sit still for extended periods and often was the class clown, a total distraction. We moved several times during his elementary years and he went to 4 different schools in 3 states. He had some very compassionate teachers along the way, but he definitely challenged their classroom status quo.
We had made a half-way attempt at homeschooling for a couple of months in his 1st and 2nd grade years, but I quickly gave up due to moving and career changes. But his 6th grade year at the middle school was one for the books! He had always had an IEP and difficulty conforming in the classroom, but 7 periods and 6 teachers with moving between each proved to be overwhelming from day one! Add to it the bullying on the school bus and in the classrooms plus a shift to all computerized curriculum, he was in an overstimulating nightmare.
I found myself on a first name basis with the principal while he was purposefully getting himself sent to ISS (in school suspension) to escape bullies and constantly changing teachers. By Christmas, he had fast tracked himself to a 2 week suspension. During that extended Holiday break, we talked at length about homeschooling. He begged to not have to go back to that place. I wanted to get to the bottom of the behaviors. But I had my career to think of…His grades…The school officials convinced me that we would need to complete the year to get his report card and prove he would move on to the next grade. (FYI: that’s a myth! You can remove your kids from public school or change their school status ANYTIME. They’re YOUR kids!)
So after the holiday break, he went back. Things gradually got worse. He was in the principal’s office and ISS more frequently with more concerning behaviors. He was being chased home from the bus stop nearly every day. When his report card finally came, he had FAILED every class except PE! Their solution: pass him to 7th grade (cuz no child left behind) and send him to the special ed program across town with kids who have emotional regulation issues where they have a smaller classroom and he wouldn’t have to switch teachers/rooms each period.
I thought, “I know the perfect teacher:student ratio… one to one!”
After thinking it through for a few days, I made a game plan. I called back the director of Special Education and informed her of my decision (FYI: I later learned that in my state, you don’t have to notify the district. But what happened next solidified my resolve.) She told me I was making a huge mistake as I was unqualified to know what my son would actually need. She went on to say that homeschooling would destroy our relationship and “mark my words”, I’d be begging to send him back.
That’s all I needed to hear!
The mama bear inside me ROARED, “Watch me!” We never looked back. My son graduated from our homeschool in 2023 and never once asked to go back. And I never threatened it. In both of our minds, it was simply not an option.
Homeschooling gave him the opportunity to explore his interests and passions, try different hobbies and gain work experience in the trades he was interested in. We were also able to focus on family therapy, cultivating healthy relationships and trauma treatments. I truly believe if we had not been homeschooling and focusing on his mental health, we would not have discovered the root cause of his trauma and his behaviors would’ve become much worse. Instead of being another statistic, he has a story of redemption, growth and compassion. It was bumpy and chaotic at times, but 100% worth it!
So where does my big regret come in? I wish I would’ve had the confidence and determination to unenroll him during that Christmas break when he was suspended. I put my career first, thinking I needed to wait just a little longer for that big [real estate] deal to drop instead of doing whatever was necessary to support my child. Keeping him in school for that second half of the school year only compounded and added to the trauma he was already experiencing.
PSA
- Check HSLDA.org if you want to know the legal requirements for homeschooling in your state. DO NOT take the word of the school district employees, principal or teachers. They honestly don’t know and are often misinformed.
- You can pull your kids out of public school ANYTIME! It could be a Tuesday in the middle of September. They do not own your child.
- You do not have to wait for the end of a semester, term or report card before removing your kid from public school.
- High school is the only time credits are recorded/tracked. If you pull your teen out of high school mid-semester, you can give partial credit as the “receiving school.”
- If your child is in an environment where they are in physical harm’s way (bullying, assault, etc), do not wait for school officials to protect or press charges. They won’t. That’s not their department. Don’t wait for “next time.”
- DO NOT let school officials intimidate or talk down to you in order to pressure you to back down or keep your kids in their school. YOU are their guardian and advocate when they are at the mercy of the system.
- The school district and its employees are not responsible or accountable for assault between children. If a bully [minor child] kicks your kid in the back of the head, causing a concussion, the only person you can press charges against is the parent of the assaulting child (who were likely not present during the incident).
- (This may vary from state to state.) School employees are not allowed to restrain, intercept or stop fights/bullying. They’re hands are tied!
Teachers catch a lot of flack on the topics of bullying and curriculum, but they have little to no control over what curriculum is chosen. That’s decided by the school district. They can do very little to prevent and stop bullying. There are some wonderful public school teachers out there genuinely trying to make a positive difference. I have a few friends who do amazing work inside the system. However, they are confined to the regulations of that system. Some are just as trapped as the kids.
No Regret
If you have a desire to homeschool, but are scared to make the leap, I hope this is an encouragement to you NOT to wait. Read these books for more to consider:
You’ll never be exactly ready, but you’ll figure it out. You’ve got this!
